Road Rage - how do you lot keep your cool?

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Bit of a deep one this for off topic, but I wasn't sure which section of the forum to post this in, off topic seemed as good as any.

A few of you brought to my attention a while back that I was getting too angry, and I agreed. :coffee::unsure: I'd never thought much about it before.

Whilst my anger isn't just a road problem, it's a life problem for me (which I'm slowly working on) I can't help but feel I should be trying harder to keep my cool when someone cuts me up, gives me the finger, or is just a general idiot. I'm just not sure how. Just today, following a lot of stress to do with my bank, I had to take my mate into town for him to get his mrs a present and I really lost my cool when someone swung their door open on me and then proceeded to shout at me for beeping at them. They then proceeded to stand in the road shaking their head at me, as soon as I had a clear gap I held my horn and sped off splashing them with a puddle in the process. damnthatfeltgood.jpeg :ROFLMAO: But absolutely I realize I should have just sighed, shook my head back, said a swear and laughed about it, which I did do shortly after, but still. Had police seen me just speeding off with my horn held and not seen what happened before that, then I'm the one in trouble, not them, potentially.

Are there any rituals any of you do before a drive, any ways you unwind before tackling that long tedious journey that you don't particularly want to make?
If you've had or are having a bad day do you just avoid driving altogether? (obviously some days it can't be helped as you HAVE to be somewhere)

I'm interested to know and I'm hoping I'm going to receive open minded answers here rather than criticism. I value my skills as a driver, and highly rate my visual awareness and observations, but road rage is a struggle for me and if I can begin tackling my anger problem where it's at its worst then I hope I will make strides in other aspects of day to day life as well.

I eagerly await your suggestions as I have a 98 mile drive to do tomorrow night that I don't feel up for. All I can think so far is to meditate pre-drive or put some kind of device in the car that emits a calming fragrance.

Edit: I know 'techniques' for keeping calm but with how fast paced and dangerous the roads can be often you don't have those 10 seconds to "just breathe". And that's my problem I instantly react.
 
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kamkar

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Here i go verbal, and since i think and speak in english when i am on my own that just tend to freak out the other Danes if i yell profanities at them in english.
But for the most i keep the windows rolled up and my head inside of the car.

I dont think we should let the idiots of the roads win, that's why i have already turned one of them over to the police with my video of them braking so many laws in 30 seconds that the police could just go and collect his driving license.
So yes we should fight them, and at times that do mean lower yourself to their level, and that's just dandy too as long as you can pull yourself back to normal.
When i am nice, and i am mostly, i just use a few minutes at home uploading those idiots to youtube, that have somewhat of a calming effect to me, so i will keep doing that until a judge tell me that's illegal to do.

I should maybe also say that in the past 45 years i have been a extremely mellow and anti confrontational person ( hard to pull off in the circles i was in back then )
But that have flipped today, so if i see someone throw garbage from a car i will do all i can to get into a fistfight with that person.
Actually just a few days ago i almost got in a fistfight with some,,,,,, hard to say far south east European / Arab guy.
We was ditching garbage at the recycle yard and the 2 guys drove up to the electronics container to raid it for still working stuff, i confronted them and said here you put stuff you dont take it with you,,,,,,, dumbass.

Luckely my M8 had my back and got the 2 guys working there so we was 3 on 2, so now those dagos have a ban from that recycling yard.
 
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Thank you for the reply kamkar :)

Glad to see you dont view anything wrong with getting verbal hahaha, I remember reading somewhere once that those who swear more frequently are more intelligent ;)

To be honest, yeah, I did pull myself back to normal pretty quickly, but I feel a big factor in that was the fact my mate was laughing at my reaction and he said "that showed her, I hope she has puddles in her boots" which in turn caused me to laugh and instantly be okay. (this is all gonna be in my April compilation, including a clip of me accidentally pulling off an awesome drift going 60 around a corner leaving a B road that I horribly misjudged because of google maps :LOL: skidmarks on the road and in my pants, I must say)

If I was on my own, however, I'd have probably been swearing about mrs blind door swinger the whole way to my destination just waiting to sound my horn and rev like an angry biker at someone else. Having someone else with me to make light of the situation is a real saver some days. The trouble being, I don't always have that, and my lengthy drive tomorrow is a solo one and the M1 in England is lane hogger central (one of my biggest pet peeves) so I can already guarantee I'll need to prepare not to lose my temper.

I've never actually reported anyone until today, I rated their reg on this regchecker website, checked their MOT and insurance on gov.uk (unfortunately all up to date), and then rang the DVLA to put a marker against their reg. I think if you get three or more the police are very likely to pull you over for very minor things but I'm not really sure how it works to be honest. It did kinda feel like a petty waste of my time, but at the same time it was a nice big final "screw you" to the person. I used to cycle everywhere before the joys of owning a car and the amount of times I almost got wiped out from people opening doors without looking was pure criminal so it definitely struck a nerve with me. I even posted a photo of her on Facebook and said if anyone knows this woman tell her to check her mirrors before she kills someone and she can expect her insurance to go up as I've reported her reg :ROFLMAO:

So would you say your main trigger is that then, people throwing rubbish out of cars? Is there anything else that grinds your gears? ;) (sorry, had to make the family guy reference)

Also could you link me your YouTube channel? I had to switch to a new account recently so lost all of my subscriptions :(
 

kamkar

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I am all okay with people making mistakes / bad decisions in traffic once in a while, i do that too myself.
Its the things that is not needed at all that really piss me off, one of those being throwing garbage out the window.
Most thing are just frustrating and dont get me that mad, for instance when i drive on the highway and do no less than the 80 km/h limit, then 95 % of all cars coming up from behind overtake me, making me thing there must be some sort of "can not drive behind another vehicle" decease going around.
People dont get overtaking are a option you have for passing slow moving traffic, and they sure as hell dont remember that in passing you can not exceed the speed limit.
Most people actually think you can go any speed as long as its while overtaking, so you can get past the car fast,,, i kid you not that's what people say.

But i always have a comment for things while i drive :)
https://www.youtube.com/user/Gainstrup/featured?view_as=subscriber&disable_polymer=1

Now watching the news on TV, that i have not done in 20 years, that's a thing that really bring out the blood thirst in me seeing or hearing Danish politicians and not forgetting the appalling level of journalism today.
 

M Basta

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This dude has decent advice. He’s also got other vids on managing anger in general.

My 3 takeaways from this clip:
- Relax. “F it”. No need to get worked up into a tizzy over something that ultimately amounts to nothing.
- Lower your expectations. Of drivers. Of the human race, in general.
- Don’t take things so personally.

 

kamkar

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- Lower your expectations. Of drivers. Of the human race, in general.

That one i have always used, so in my book every single human on this globe are a fawking butt hole, this way i can only get pleasant surprised if that turn out to be wrong.
Its just me safeguarding my own mental well-being in this way, but it work good for me, if i am right i can just go " O well i knew that" and if i am wrong that's just cool.
 
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This dude has decent advice. He’s also got other vids on managing anger in general.

My 3 takeaways from this clip:
- Relax. “F it”. No need to get worked up into a tizzy over something that ultimately amounts to nothing.
- Lower your expectations. Of drivers. Of the human race, in general.
- Don’t take things so personally.


That was a really good watch to be fair, I've got to run a short errand shop soon so will definitely try some of his techniques. Can guarantee in my city I'll get at least 5 clips saved from a trip to the shops, it's an epidemic :cautious:
 

kamkar

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I stay out of downtown areas and have done so since the late 90ties, too much grief there so i stay away if i can.
Also dont come the same places at night in the weekends, cuz grown up drunk people acting like kids make me angry, maybe i should also mention in relation to this that i have only been drinking new years evening for the better part of my own life.
Stopped the weekend binge drinking before i was 25 as i started to become the people i hate now and then.
 

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I drive speed limit, in the right (slow lane), use all my lights, signals, I am attentive to other driver's needs (if they signal), I have gotten/arrived everywhere I needed to with this approach.
I also live in an area where there are few laws restricting one's USAmerican (natural) right to defense/2A... so, when you think about it, not wise to get in an altercation where folks can carry firearms.
I'm not a slow driver of 4 wheeled vehicles. Just last week I took out a single seater race car on the UK/England's Silverstone race circuit. And I LOVE TO WIN !!!
 

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Sunny

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More than I can review. ;)
I think of my kids and try to not escalate situations.
Few seconds / minutes saved isn't worth it.
I compared my 35 miles commute many times driving differently.
Very aggressive drive cutting in others getting honked and flipped at, speeding etc saved me 3 - 5 minutes on average with extra stress and chance of accidents.
I now drive much relaxed than before.
Still speed when in a hurry but try not to make others angry.
It feels better to get a high five from a merger in front than a middle finger by pushing in front of him.
It's just one car and not even a second for car's speed.
Also I listen to songs or something interesting in the car so my mind is calmer.
 
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Thanks for the replies everyone, this may be a little unorthodox but I added something to my car recently that has really calmed me down.

First off, two new air fresheners that smell REALLY good, and I have a little plant in one of my cup holders :ROFLMAO:
The natural aroma is very calming and I find I'm driving considerably more cautiously so I don't damage my new driving buddy hahaha.
Trying to spot things much sooner to prevent those horn honking slam-ons.
I'll have to post a picture of it shortly, it's quite an aesthetically pleasing plant.

This combined with the air fresheners creates a very "ahhhhhhhh" effect when you first get in the car.
The girlfriend thinks I'm mental, but I think I'm a bit of a genius :ROFLMAO: thoughts?
 

Rajagra

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I too get angry far too often. I'm working my way through the audiobook version of Why Buddhism Is True: The Science and Philosophy of Enlightenment. I think it will help.
It's more scientific than at all religious, and includes a great perspective on the inner workings of the brain and how "the self" is mostly a product of how evolution rewards certain behaviours, ones which may be counterproductive in our modern environment.

There's an interesting discussion of the modular behaviour of the mind. Not a physical modularity of the brain, more a parallel processing type thing, where differing thoughts take shape, bubble up and compete to become what we believe to be our rational decisions. But in reality they are just primitive emotional responses, ones proven by evolution to keep us alive a while and propagate our genes. By understanding this and accepting it, these driving forces lose their power over us to some degree.

Buddhism - and this book - encourages an objective, detached outlook not only on life, but yourself. I'm convinced the book will help me stay calmer, it probably has already, but I should find a way to play it while I drive (tricky dealing with a work phone and personal phone hooked up to the stereo at the same time.) I've been listening mainly when going to bed. It's very relaxing, but falling asleep makes it hard to keep track of where I need to continue listening. I suspect I'll end up listening to it several times over and letting it just sink in.

It's a good book, whether you're religious or not (I'm not, and I'm very cynical about wooly ideas.)
 

sludgeguts

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Mobius x3, G1W held as spare.
Make sure your vehicle is covered with dashcams. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Upload their stupidity to youtube AND post the clip on local facebook pages.
Although watch out, there's always some morons who side with the idiots & seem to think that you are to blame for the idiot changing lanes without looking, even though they did flash the indicator once (which, to some, means you HAVE to stop and give way!
 

TexMex

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Make sure your vehicle is covered with dashcams. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Upload their stupidity to youtube AND post the clip on local facebook pages.
Although watch out, there's always some morons who side with the idiots & seem to think that you are to blame for the idiot changing lanes without looking, even though they did flash the indicator once (which, to some, means you HAVE to stop and give way!
The do-gooders seem to come out from under the rocks once in awhile for sure.
 

kamkar

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A good thing might be count to 10,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, in Klingon

Thats.

1 – wa’
2 – cha’
3 – wej
4 – loS
5 – vagh
6 – jav
7 – Soch
8 – chorgh
9 – Hut
10 – wa’maH

Maybe followed by a Qu'vatlh
 
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Make sure your vehicle is covered with dashcams. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Upload their stupidity to youtube AND post the clip on local facebook pages.
Although watch out, there's always some morons who side with the idiots & seem to think that you are to blame for the idiot changing lanes without looking, even though they did flash the indicator once (which, to some, means you HAVE to stop and give way!

I've got a front and a rear dashcam already and I've been making compilations for a few months, I'm currently starting to edit the April compilation and I can see myself being a lot calmer in very similar situations that in the past have had me screaming, swearing and revving. You're 100% right about people blaming dashcammers instead of the idiots who cause the clips to exist to begin with. One of my clips recently got featured on a local page. It was a clip of someone about to join from a slip road and they just slow, and slow, then panic and stop dead so I change lanes and rejoin the traffic. 50/50 people complaining about people stopping on slip roads and the other half slating me for slowing down and saying that I panic and should learn the road better :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:

There was a truck to my right and it looked as if they were going to make a clean merge so I slowed down to let them. Wont be submitting to local pages anymore, seems all the keyboard warriors live on Facebook. I mean YouTube comment sections for dashcam videos are hostile at the best of times but Facebook is SOMETHING else man. I even saw a clip (same page) the other day of a truck almost squashing a cyclist and they all blamed the cyclist just for... well I'm not sure... for being a cyclist I guess :unsure:
 

Nigel

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Gitup F1+G3ꞈꞈꞈꞈꞈ Viofo A139ꞈꞈꞈꞈꞈ Blueskysea B4K+B2K
...seems all the keyboard warriors live on Facebook.
Facebook is a wonderful invention - it keeps all the keyboard warriors away from places like this, many forums are much nicer now than they used to be before Facebook :D
 

kamkar

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I never rally experienced forum trolls, but i think you are right cuz while i of course are not on facetwitt then the nearest i get to something like that is youtube and there you do find low life's too.
Actually some one just replied to a old post of mine on some video, and i almost gave in and RPLY to it, but then i decided against it cuz really it is a pointless exercise.

I have encountered hard to deal with people on forums, but i figure i can be that kind of guy too once in a while.
Primary thing here is to not get carried away and do your best to let things slide by, while i do enjoy a good argument and learn something new, then doing so in a heated forum debate are not cool.
 

Spritzer

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Woah, It's quite a theme to discuss.

I can't recall how, but I've mastered the art of self-control some time ago. The thing is to notice that rage is coming and exhale silently. I just stop myself before I begin shouting, hold my breath for a moment and then start to inhale and exhale slowly, grabbing the wheel tightly and keeping insulting words in my mind. If there's someone in the car I'll explain it discreetly what makes me angry, maybe discuss it with the person.
 
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